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The Heineken Greenroom Sessions party had all the ingredients for an unforgettable party: City Hall (perfect venue), free drinks vouchers (most welcome), tons of celebrities (check), great performers and party people ready to party (double check.)

The warm-up act, Gang of instrumentals did a great job with the live performance of some of their well known hits. Lead singer Tumi Masemola was not hampered in the least by her growing belly as she belted out the hits. Dressed in a stylish, snug denim maternity dress she seemed overjoyed to be pregnant and still performing.

Unfortunately the crowd gave the band vacant stares whilst lethargically sipping their free beer. I was baffled by the complete lack of engagement.

HHP soon took to the stage, and didn’t excite the crowd either. Most people chose to mill around outside in the smoking area.

Flitting around I bumped into some of Johannesburg’s most recognised faces.

Khanyi Mbau was there looking beautiful and a little dressed down. In a simple pair of white Gucci Jeans, a colourful T-shirt and sneakers, Khanyi was definitely dressed to party hard. Not sure what was in that tiny back-pack she clung to the entire night.

Also there was Iko Mash and one third of 3Sum. Iko looked out of place amongst the beer guzzlers, with her big hair and large frame squeezed desperately into a black cocktail dress. A man who puts a dress on, only succeeds in looking more masculine.

Amstel, of 3Sum, was his usual social butterfly self, but not even he seemed to be having fun, and that’s a bad sign because he lives for going to events.

Pabi Moloi was there and so was her sidekick – her wig. That was one bad piece of hair. Maybe she should have ironed it before she left home? Or perhaps woken up to the fact that bad wigs are worse than wearing a body hugging white dress which exposes all your unflattering bumps.

The main performance of the evening was Jamaican superstar Sean Kingston, whose performance did very little to bolster the mood. The boy is huge, not fat, but just tall and big, and scary looking.

Eventually we heard some long-awaited African house. That’s when the crowd got onto the dance-floor and all you could see were grinding hips and people moving (some in heels), to the beat.

But just as we got into neck-popping swing of things, Kim Engelbrecht appeared from nowhere, thanked us for coming and said goodnight. Where was she all night and why were we being chased away?

All that glitters isn’t gold! The Sports Illustrated Swimwear Edition launch party gave that old adage even more weight.

The air was filled with a pungent tension. The men were distinctly anxious; twittering with nervous laughter; eyes darting to the tiny stage platform, waiting, obviously, for some heavenly, or hellishly wicked, apparition to fulfill all their sexual fantasies.

Being born into a strictly religious home, I just couldn’t completely relax in the sexually charged atmosphere, and decided to knock back a free drink, just to numb the guilt.

In mid-gulp I bump into SABC3 continuity presenter Liezel van der Westhuizen (opposite page with the writer) , looking radiant as usual, wearing a simple, black, open backed, knee high slip dress. She seemed to enjoy just flitting around the party; drink in hand, showing off her mightily impressive gams. And guess what? She does actually eat.

Co-hosting the evening was Pabi Moloi, and thankfully this time, she opted to leave her wig in her closet and let us admire her beautiful face. I absolutely loved her shimmering cardigan showing off her assets. Didn’t like the dowdy, ill-fitting skirt though.

Pabi handled her MC duties very well. The organisers obviously hired a person of colour to make the mostly white crowd feel like they’d done their civic duty for the year. But, I guess if you are going to need a token black face, it may as well be easily-digestible Pabi.

Jaw-locked springbok winger Brain Habana strode in, with trophy girlfriend, Janine Viljoen, looking her usual dowdy, uptight self. Perhaps if Janine smiled a little and removed the carrot, she might find that a bit of fun isn’t all that bad.

The ladies eventually strutted their stuff on the stage. It was hard to pick a favourite from the identical, bleached blonde, skeletal schmodels. Save for Joelle Keymbe and Palesa Vedala the only black faces in the mag.

Lee-Ann Liebenberg was named as the Sports Illustrated model of the year and cover girl. And although there’s no denying that she has a really pretty face, she obviously doesn’t work-out, has really bad posture and can’t walk in heels.

So I knocked back another drink or three back, cancelled my gym session for the following day, and danced the night away feeling comfortable in my gold skin. pulseditor@gmail.com

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